Introspection kinda stinks!

Have you ever had a night that was filled with more thinking than sleeping or dreaming?

Last night was one of those for me!

If you have not read my previous post, titled
The questions of my heart...

YOU MUST scroll on down and read it first or this one won't make any sense to you at all...
so go on...
do a little scrolling
and then scroll back on up here.
Don't worry, I'll wait for you.  ;)

Okay, READY???

So back to last night
and my thoughts and what I wrote
and why I couldn't sleep after what I wrote...

I went to bed thinking that I had started out my post with what one of the real issues was and then I just breezed right on past it and chose to never address it again.  I had high hopes that I wouldn't NEED to address it again...well, that is not the case.

These are the words I used to start out last nights post: 
"So I have cause to worry that I may be in the wrong...

Have you ever stopped to consider that some of the things you may "require" of your children are for more benefit to you than to them?"

This is the first moment I've had to sit and write where my heart is at.
Our morning started out in a very rushed sort of pace...
final touches
for all the Science Fair Projects
were in order and then finalizing the awards for all the kiddos presenting...
then getting there, setting up, watching and listening to all the kiddos present and then passing out awards, cleaning up and heading back home...yada yada yada...phew!!!
Now I can let my mind be where it needs to be. 
It was hard to focus on anything else, when all I could think of was all this big kid stuff!

I must say, Introspection can be rough!
Not the easiest thing to do,
maybe something I shouldn't do
cause it can really stink!

It's kind of a yucky feeling to question your motives and your actions when you are the mom...yep, it just stinks!  That's all I can say.

As I pondered all.night.long...
and much of the day long...
I came to a very hard realization.

I may very well be placing others above my very own child.
I may be more concerned with what my friends may think of me
than what my child wishes, or in this case, doesn't wish to do.

I have had to ask myself some tough questions...
Am I so worried about what others will think of me as a mother,
or of my son, as a person...
if he doesn't participate in something that is dreadfully hard for him,
that I am willing to force my will upon him?
Does it REALLY matter what anyone else thinks?
The answer to that is very easy ~
NO, It does NOT matter!
So if the answer is no,
why do I care?
And is my worry overshadowing what may be the right choice for my child?

Is it even the real issue?
Or does it just feel like HE SHOULD DO THIS no matter what he thinks???

These are all the things that my heart and my mind have been tossing back and forth!

So digging a little deeper,
I have been able to throw out
(at least I think I have)
the worry about ANYONE else
and what they may think
of me or my family...
I know that I am doing my best
and I know that my kids are really good kids.

So, what I really wish for them is to experience all that is available to them in this life.
My plan is to share how I really feel with this wonderful son of mine...I will express to him WHY I FEEL this particular thing is vital for him and I will be open to listening to him. 
Remember that Mutual Respect thing...
I'm going to practice it and honor it...
we both have the right to input on our decisions. 

Dang...this is hard...I just want him to do what I want him to do...
I sure hope I don't blow the mutual respect and just say
YOU HAVE TO BECAUSE I'M THE MOM,
now do it and be happy about it
and quit yer bickering!!!

I'll be sure to let you know if I, once again, miss out on winning The Mother of the Year Award!