Part Tres...Random Thoughts...

Okay, back to my story...
Dinner is done, kids are happy and playing and I have a few free minutes to write or to actually type down words I wrote while "stranded" in the cabin...
Once again, remember I am alone, it is dark and soooo quiet and as I finally find it within myself to calm down enough to enjoy my time, I do what I love ~ I write ~

Here are some of my random thoughts that came to me that night...I've learned that when these thoughts come to me, that it is imperative to find a notepad and pencil and jot down as quickly as my fingers will go, because I don't want to lose what I am being given.  I had been desperately searching for answers for myself and for my family and this just happened to be the time that answers could come...must be something to do with the stillness and silence....

"Completion is not as important to me as keeping things alive, interesting and thriving. 
I don't really care if every workbook page is completed in a book, or for that matter, if we finish an entire book, UNLESS it is enriching, engaging and worth our time.
This is one that I have felt guilt over for many years...every one around me is always able to check things off the list that are complete...I guess I thought I should be following suit ~ but it was making me miserable, and in turn, making our children miserable!  Now mind you, this is not to say, that we never complete workbooks or assignments, I am a stickler for completing things that are of worth...I just cannot say that if I buy a workbook or a curriculum that I will love it for long enough to actually go through the whole thing...For some, this is unbelievable and a waste...for me, I am discovering that is a waste of me to force myself to do something I do not LOVE...I choose to waste the curriculum and to save me!

I love the idea of starting each month fresh with new ideas, new goals, I love the Newness of it all!!!

I am not good at long term goals because I get BORED!  Short term goals are perfect, they are fabulous, they are fun and exciting and completely attainable and I believe that is what is important to teach to our kids!

Boredom with School is the same...I need to be engaged and excited to engage and excite my kids!  How can I possibly ignite a fire within them, when I barely have a spark flickering within myself???

So, what about doing Unit Studies???? 
Hmmm.....That's a thought...So let's think about that one...
They can be long or short,
as fun and engaging as wanted,
and completely informing.
I can go off in a completely different direction if that is what I FEEL,
We can spend time studying Everything about something or just a touch if that is what holds our interest.
AND Unit Studies are easily COMPLETED because they don't have to drag on forever boring me to tears! 
See, I really do like Completion, just on my own terms and what I feel is best for my kiddos! 
Gonna have to consider going back to Unit Studies,
I've just about talked myself into it...
Feels good, lets me be me, lets me explore and create with our kids...hmmm,
I'm kinda liking (maybe even lovin') this thought. 
Put it on the back burner and let it stew for a bit --

Another thought...
I've tried so hard to fit myself neatly into the
"perfect homeschool mom mold"
This is silly, I've been homeschooling for really as long as I can remember, it's hard to remember a time that my days weren't filled with kids and books and papers and such, yet after all this time, I still compare myself to everyone else!  I've even given talks and lectures on not doing this to yourself...
What is the Perfect Homeschool Mom Mold???  Is this a Real Thing?  Is it just an imaginary "person" that we all beat ourselves up with?  Well, I for one, am done with all this silliness ~ time to move on to better days!!!!!!!!!!!

Some of what I think I've maybe done wrong...(for those of you who wish to never speak to me again after this post, I will completely understand...I am going against the grain, I am abolishing what we all Think we need to do to be successful, but remember I am just sharing my Random Thoughts and they pertain to me and not necessarily to you)
I've done the extensive planning and calendaring
(which I actually do enjoy, I just don't want to have to follow it, IF I think there is something BETTER that we could/should be doing),
I've done my very best to stick right to my "planned schedule"
and guess what happens?

I HATE IT!

I Get Burned Out!

I Stop LOVING what I am doing ~

Because --

Somewhere in the mix,

I've lost ME...

Lost Who I AM...

And in doing that, I am no longer alive and thriving and giving positive energy to my kids...

I am dull and dreadful

and devastated at the lack of zeal I feel for homeschooling...

So...
I AM WHO I AM -
I will embrace who I am -
I will not fit into anyone else's mold -
no matter how fantastic and appealing it may appear!

Knowing ME and Knowing what is best for our family is a gift I am given...
A gift WE are all given...If we will but seek for it!"


My Goodness, I need to make this one another --  TO BE CONTINUED...

As usual, I was quite long-winded,
not sure how you'd word that in the writing world,
gotta think on that one! 

In my next post, I will be sharing what My Top Priorities are, What kind of structure I enjoy, and How I've decided to make it all work...

Hoping YOU are having a fabulous Day!  :o)