After one of my last posts,
(Is it Safe to be Joyous?)
I've had several interesting conversations...
This morning a dear friend of mine called and we talked at length about many things. I am very grateful for her call and feel that there are things that I learned, recognized or came to terms with in myself.
She made a comment to me, can't quote it, wish I could...but, it was something along the lines of:
You don't have to be a victim, you do not have to give power over to anyone who has ever wronged you in the past, he (whoever he may be in each of our lives) cannot have power over you unless you choose to give it to him.
WOW!
Okay, I know it is a no-brainer again...BUT sometimes you just need to hear someone say those words out loud for it to "click"! And this morning it did just that, CLICK...
I have allowed myself for the majority of my life to be a victim. Even though, the things that gave cause for me to be victimized/abused were well over 20 years ago, I have held on to them, I have held on to the fear...I have allowed it to keep me in this place for far too long.
I have allowed this person that I made my escape from to continue to control me and my emotions for a ridiculous amount of time. So in saying that, I have never fully escaped, I have never fully removed myself, I have stayed (at least a small part of me) in that same helpless, scared little state.
Another thing that we discussed was being a child...
And something amazing happened ~ I saw this person(s) in a new light ~ I could see them as little boys and my heart broke for them. There were things in their lives that caused them to choose to be ugly, to choose to inflict damage to another...
something in their past that damaged their little hearts, that hardened them, that caused them to be without feeling or remorse.
I have never been able to fully forgive or to let go of some hard things from long ago, but with the thought that they were once little children, little boys, much like my own ~ sweet and tender and so easily influenced for good or for bad ~ my own heart has been softened.
The best part is that it takes the "Scaryness" away...when I can picture a little boy hurting and struggling and suffering, I can feel sorry for that little person and I can more easily understand WHY a person would do the things that they do.
NOW, PLEASE know that I am absolutely NOT condoning or excusing abusive behavior...I COULD NEVER bring myself to that point, I am simply saying that this is helping me to overcome being a victim. When I DECIDE to take myself out of that role, I AM FREE!
I decide now to end this, to rid myself of the fear that has been with me...to be whole and complete and trusting. I can even say I am in a place that I feel I would be able to pray for these individuals, that is a huge step in the right direction for me.
On another note:
I have spent a great deal of time considering just grabbing my trusty ol' notebook or journal and keeping these thoughts and feelings to only me...I have felt there may be times (Okay, I KNOW there have been times) that I've revealed too much here, but for some reason I feel this is what I am to do. Who knows, maybe someone "out there", maybe you?, needs to read this...needs to see that someone else went through horrific things in their life and they are proof that life can be beautiful and wonderful and fulfilling and that there really is a Happily Ever After waiting for them...
No one ever has to remain a victim...free yourself...seek for the peace you deserve.
With Love,
Stacey
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I too have prayed to see others through Heavenly Father's eyes. Myself included. I truly start to sob when I think of the unconditional love Father and his Son have for all of us. When I consider those who have hurt me, it helps to think that they too are a child of God. God is no respecter of persons. We are all equal in his eyes. That is a very humbling thought indeed Stacey.
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