So happy I went! Heard my Dear Hubby bear his testimony and watched as a herd of men all went forward to share their testimonies...Chad challenged them after a dream he had of filling the Sacrament hour with all the Men in the ward. My kids commented that it felt like an EFY or an early morning "morningside" as they watched all the men stand and head up...things like this should happen more often. What an amazing example to all of their families!
Many thoughts came to me today while I sat in church. It was truly a lovely day for me. I felt rather crummy and had to keep getting up and walking out to take a puff or two off that darn inhaler...but it was still a rewarding day.
Let's see what would I most like to share?
I think I'll go with some powerful feelings I experienced during Young Womens...
I didn't teach, I was able to sit with all the girls and be taught...it was nice!
The lesson started with this painting being displayed...our "job" was to focus on it and think of nothing else for 60 seconds. We were to try to keep all other thoughts away, not let anything stand in the way or disrupt our thoughts and feelings. Not sure how everyone else felt, but I think I could have gone on for another few minutes, my mind was overflowing.
Here was the painting...
It is titled Let Him In,
by Greg Olson.
Well, I must say I had absolutely no problem at all with my mind wandering.
My mind was flooded with thoughts...60 seconds goes by in a blink when you are focused on something as BIG as this.
My first thoughts were,
"Oh I love that painting."
Then moved on non-stop to
"what is this saying to ME?
Am I guilty of making him stand outside?
I don't invite Him in often enough.
I desperately try to handle everything on my own...but what is that doing to Him?
It is leaving Him standing in the dark, ever patiently waiting for me to figure out that it would be so much easier if I'd just lay my burdens at His feet.
Why is it so hard to ask for help,
to open up that door,
to let Him in?
Will I ever learn that I can't do it alone?
Why must I be so stubborn and stupid?
Do I have a lack of faith?
A lack of trust?
He did give His life for me.
I know that.
I believe that.
I am amazed by that.
I am saddened by that when I look deeply at myself.
I can only think that if I were the one on the outside, knocking, waiting, wishing, hoping for the person on the other side to "get it"...
how long would I wait?
Would I finally just give up and walk away?
Would I feel that it was simply a waste of my time?
I probably would...I think I would wait for a great, great deal of time, but at some point I might feel it was pointless. As I thought these thoughts, my heart broke just a little...I have to be causing grief to Him. He has to be wondering what on earth is wrong with me.
Why am I of such little faith?
Why do I not turn to Him...
He wishes to help me carry this heavy load.
My final thoughts were of gratitude.
I wanted to just reach out and give Him a big hug and thank Him for not giving up on me, for always being there, for not walking away, for patiently waiting by the door.
I guess that is why He is the Savior and I am Stacey.
He is perfect and He is happy to show me how I can one day become just like Him.
He will pick me back up when I have fallen.
He will wipe away my tears when I feel alone and scared.
When I feel I have no where to turn, I simply have to fall to my knees, look up and He will be there.
He may make me wait,
may make me work really hard for answers...This has always been confusing for me...
There have been times when I have asked for help, I have pleaded for answers, yet I receive nothing. I'm not going to say that I get that; I really don't, remember I am Stacey...I don't have an immense amount of faith (well maybe I do, I hope I do, but maybe it's just not sufficient) The best guess I have is that He doesn't always answer me because He knows if I keep digging within I will know what the right choices in this life are.
But, He wants me to Ask,
He wants me to Let Him In, He wishes to help me.
And when I really don't know, He will happily step in and fill in the blanks.
How lovely is that?"
I walked away from such a simple little exercise a better person with a firm resolve to have more faith and to exercise it and to always open the door and LET HIM IN...
Even our Savior wishes to receive an Invitation.
"Please, Come In"
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