Wow...
Life is just full of refining moments!
I am breathing deeply and calmly and trying to give myself a gentle pat on the back for standing for what I know I must do as the Mom of this family.
It is sooooo hard to be strong and to stand firm on the issues that are just worth standing up for, especially when kids just cannot seem to understand or see why certain things matter.
I have a son, actually three of them,
that are amazing motorcycle and downhill bike riders...
this is a wonderful blessing to them
while at the same time being a horrid curse.
WHY???
Well, for the simple reason that most all of the "RACES" that really mean anything are held on Sundays.
Sunday is a sacred day for our family...
and it is being CHALLENGED
in a very ugly manner.
I am staying strong,
because I believe with all of my heart that our Sundays need to be a day for our family,
a day for attending church,
a day of reprieve from the rest of the week...
It's the one day of the week that I get all of 'em to myself!
Life is so busy and so full and they are all running this way and that way and I can't keep up. Sunday is our day to catch up with one another and to enjoy our time together, it's my day to just have all my little chicks safely under my wing.
It's my happy place
and by darn it...
they (whomever "they" are)
have the need to put all of this exciting stuff on this special day.
My boys,
especially one of them at this point,
who is way too good for his own good,
is fighting us in a big way...he is still respectful, but just does not get why we have to limit him...why our beliefs have to limit his choices.
He just wants to be racing,
he believes that if we would let him do the whole "circuit" he could be top in his class or next to...and without doing the entire circuit he doesn't stand a chance...
he feels like our choices are ruining his life!
aauugghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
He doesn't feel that I am listening to him
or hearing him
or that I care about what he wants.
And
my dear hubby
is away for work...
so it's just me
here
trying to hold it all together.
Trying to reach this sweet boy of mine
who is so frustrated with me.
Right now this is the ONLY thing in the world that he really loves or dreams of doing...
am I dashing his dreams?
am I holding him back?
am I doing the right thing?
How would you explain to your son that Sunday is just a different day and you really wish to keep it special?
Would you give in?
Would you Stand Strong?
Would you go and be the Momma on the side of the track rooting for your boys?
Or would you just tell them how much you love them and for that reason you must not give in?
How do you explain to teenagers that you, their Mom, know what is best for them?
They think they know it all
and you just don't get it...
Oh my gosh!!!
I would LOVE your help, your ideas, your suggestions...
Please take a moment and share your thoughts with this mom who just doesn't know all the answers right now!
If you can solve all my problems, I promise I'll bake you a delicious batch of cookies...
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This probably won't solve all your problems... :) ... but there was a beautiful story in the back of the ensign this month (very last page) that talked about keeping the Sabbath Day Holy. You could leave it on his bed...
ReplyDeleteSometimes kids listen better if the lesson doesn't come from Mom. Maybe you could talk his Sunday school teacher or Priesthood teacher into doing a lesson on it. With the new curriculum they are supposed to be working with parents to find out what the kids need. Good luck! :)
Ruth...
DeleteI appreciate you taking time to send me your thoughts ~ thank you for your ideas...I think I'll do BOTH!!!
Next time I see you, I will have cookies in hand. :)
I'm thinking about the quote by Joseph Smith, "I teach them correct principles and let them govern themselves" and an idea that I think I read in an Ensign or New Era somewhere.
ReplyDeleteHe knows what is right and where you stand. What if you asked him to sincerely pray and fast to know what is best for him. Maybe get a blessing or spend time at the temple. The things we do as adults when we have a hard choice to make. Tell him that you will pray and fast also, but that in the end, you will support his decision as far as letting him participate if that is what he feels Heavenly Father wants him to do, (and you have to mean it) but that you are going to take the rest of the family to church because that is what you feel is best. And then let him get his answer and support him. I honestly believe that our youth can feel the Holy Ghost and get answers. Maybe it is right for him to participate on Sunday, Steve Young played football on Sunday and influenced many people. Most likely, his answer will be no, but it will be HIS answer. And if the answer is no, but he goes anyway, he'll know and then HE can choose to fix it. Giving agency is HARD. Watching kids make mistakes is HARD. But it also brings great growth for him and you. You know your son. You've taught him well. Is now the right time to let him decide? Good luck!
Janet,
DeleteYou've given me a lot to think about. I had Chad read your comment as well...he was speechless for a moment and then said "well, I think she is right!"
I need to grab my lipstick and write "I teach them correct principles and let them govern themselves." I forget this...I (we) have taught him. He does know how we feel and what we believe. It feels like a trip, or 30, to the temple is in order; if for no other reason than to clear my mind and to bring peace to my heart.
I do need to allow him his agency and see what he does with it...I guess I'd prefer he "test those waters" while still at home than after he is out on his own and feels lost when things may not go as he had planned.
I know he has a good head on his shoulders, and maybe it is time for him to experience his own growth without me holding him back.
Janet, thank you for your words.
Cookies to come! :)
I think we lead by example. I think if the Sabbath becomes full of rules and regulations it's no longer the Sabbath at it's core. Agency is hard to watch, when our teens were with us, they made choices we didn't agree with but were in the line of "safe or reasonable". MY agenda for them was different from their agenda and what I wish I could have told my former self was to lead less with battles and more with the example of myself.
ReplyDeleteThe Sabbath is seen in every thing I can think of. The Sabbath is not a Sunday thing, it's a universal fact that God set in place to understand the glory in balancing work and rest. The tides come and go, the moon waxes and wanes, the cycle of life rotates from birth to death. Our creator and God designed a system of existence that embraces the core of the Sabbath. So often in this church we're full of "DONT DO THAT"'s instead of celebrating the "LOOK AND WONDER AND REST". Sometimes the way to explain concepts need to be said from others that are less in the thick of things, perhaps a member of your Bishopric that is a great example can talk to him and give him hope not rules?
In the end, I would let him go and race. I would NOT change ME and my life - if I basked in the Glory of the Sabbath, I would not choose to be at a race and I would stay firm in my choice. But exercising free agency allows for all men to choose freely for themselves and as parents we set guidelines to keep them as guided as possible without creating dependency and as free as possible without leaving them alone in the darkness. It's tricky but I know that you are a wonderful mother Stacey. You have rooted a foundation in your family that is solid and beautiful. Perhaps loosen these apron strings and see where it takes them.
You have to know in your soul that you laid a foundation in Christ and hope that no matter where this life takes your children that they will remember the fact they are wonderful children of God and were made in the image of. They are light, hope, glory, perfection in the making. They are in control of themselves. So, I would pray with him or near him every Sabbath morning that he may find his Sabbath and rest in the cycle that is his own life and go on with your day continuing to invite him to join you but not force it.
Just my two cents :)