Homeschool Conference!!!

Look at all those beautiful little feet two people can create!

Look at all those beautiful little feet two people can create!

Friday, October 15, 2010

My Most Embarrasing Moment!!!

So why would I share this with the whole blogging world? I'm not really sure of the answer to that question...my best response would be that we all need a good laugh now and then ~ and this will most definately bring that on. So here goes:

On our way home from Disneyland (which I plan to blog about this weekend for those of you who have been waiting) we were driving in the wee hours of the night and had been driving forever!!! Well, for those who know me all too well, I am an Ice Lover...well, lemme tell ya something, if you, too, are an ice lover, please be smarter than I am and do not fill a huge ice cup and then chow down on it without having any idea of the next potty break that lies in your future.
At around 4 a.m. I am pretty sure I am going to die because there has not been a bathroom for hours and hours and it seems that one may never show itself.
We finally see a sign that says Ely is 40 some miles away, I'm pretty sure I can make it there because I'd really rather not squat next to a sagebrush. But then just a couple minutes later, there is a sign that says REST AREA...I don't remember being quite this excited for some time! We pull in and my body just relaxes because at any moment I am going to enter into a wonderful little room and well, you know...
but the sad thing is that as we pull in, there is no building in sight!
My hubby says, this must just be a "resting area" no restrooms. WHAT?????
But I have to use the restroom and now my body thinks it gets to go and I can't go back on that one, it is way too late for that, so...because I have no other choice, I decide I must brave it outside.
My dear hubby thinks that if I would just squat over the bar that goes from the van to the trailer, that would make life so much easier. I'm questioning this, but I am so exhausted that I really do not want to attempt to do the whole squatting while I pee (mostly because I think I have to go enough to fill a small lake.)

Okay for those of you who feel this may be a little TMI (too much info.) you might want to just close out of this, because I'm just gonna let ya hear how it really happened and it was more than a little humiliating. You've been warned :)

Okay, so back to deciding between squatting on my own or squatting over the bar...I go with the bar (still not sure that this is the wisest choice I've made in my life) but again, I'm soooo tired that I just go for it.

So, I pull my britches down to below my knees, cause that's just what you have to do if you're a girl (boys have it sooo easy!!!) and I proceed to try to manuever my body over this bar. Well, I was not blessed with the longest legs in the world, which can cause problems from time to time, this being one of those times.
But I go ahead and balance myself as best I can over this bar and start my business after telling my hubby that I will be just fine, he doesn't need to hold me up, I am a big girl after all.
Well, that was the first mistake I made, never should have attempted this one on my own, cause just as soon as I started to do my little leakage, I decided I had better shift my feet, so as to protect them, and then before I knew it I could no longer touch the ground that I had been tiptoe touching just seconds before
and then all of a sudden,
my hands are slipping --regardless of the death grip I have on that stupid bar and
SMACK, WHAM,
I am on my back, legs still high in the air as they are trapped on the bar that is above me!
Need I remind you that my jeans are below my knees which only adds to the problem of relieving my stuck legs. I begin screaming, "CHAD, CHAD" and he pokes his head around the corner and looks at me with the most confused, yet somewhat amused look.
I know he wanted to say "what the heck are you doing on your back, I thought you had to pee." But he just stood there looking at me, he must have been in shock or something, I don't know!!! Maybe he's thinking something like, "Oh my gosh, I cannot believe this is my wife and she just fell backwards off a trailer on her back and is now laying in her own puddle and I need to help her up!"
I think he wanted to laugh, but he was probably a little too afraid to, not that I could do anything as I was stuck. What I'd give to know the thoughts that raced through his mind at that moment, but I'm sure he'd never truly share them with me, so I choose to believe that he felt a huge amount of trauma at the situation I was in and desperately wanted to rescue me from my humiliation.

He finally makes his way over to me after I have flopped my body off that darn bar, I can't stand, because again my jeans are in a most inconvenient location and at this point,
the tears just wanna start flowin' but I held it together,
that is until, my daughter Shealyn, yells from the van,
"Hey Mom, are you about done out there? I gotta go, too!"
My response was one of little control, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" at a little higher decibal than I have used in quite some time.
I don't want anyone to know of this horrific experience and most definately do not want another witness, my hubby is more than enough! I hear her just before she shuts the door of the van, "Wow!"

So at this point, I make my way up, pull up my britches, remove my jacket that has a little bit of soilage (not good, in fact, quite disgusting) and it is FREEZING outside, so my dear hubby grabs his sweatshirt for me and I head into the front seat of the van.
Now, I need to remind you,
I barely even began my whole peeing moment when this all happened,
so I still desperatly need to go the bathroom, but I am not about to repeat such a horrible moment, so in my stubborness, I just say,
"No, I will just hold it!"
But then the kids get wind of what happened and everyone is cracking up and then I can't hold it anymore.

So back out into the freezing cold world I go, this time with absolutely no intention of using that stupid bar as any sort of help. (Even though, Chad thinks that if I could just hold still, it should be easy as pie to sit there and do my business) He should be the girl...he has no idea at all...this one takes some serious talent. I guess I just haven't practiced outside peeing enough in my lifetime! I would never have made it as a Pioneer woman!!!
Well, I decide I will just go behind the trailer and revert to squatting...

After this whole experience I wasn't sure if my pride or my backside hurt worse! When we finally arrived home, and I dropped my drawers to check out the damage, there was some serious markage going on back there ~ I was all sorts of cut up with some pretty little bruises happening!

All I can say is it was most definately a MAN who designed the whole road system, because had it been a woman, there would be some seriously nice potties strategically placed all along the drive. Who ever thought that we women would enjoy hangin' it out there for the whole world to see and then suffereing bodily injury while just trying to comfort our little bladder! It's just not right!

So, please tell me I am not the only person in the world who has had such a horrific pee experience...don't be shy, share your story with me, so that I can feel a little better, PLEASE!!!

Yes, I know, I am a crazy lady...but it keeps life exciting!