Friday, September 28, 2012
Yep, he said it, I have a COMPLEX BRAIN!!!
I went to bed last night with a prayer in my heart
safely wrapped in my husbands arms.
I awoke this morning and tried to think of all the good things that I have surrounding me, the things that make me smile each day. Then I tried to think of all the good or funny things that have come from all these doctors appointments lately.
The funniest one just kept coming to me, so I have to share:
After my MRI, which took 3 times longer than what they had told my sweet husband, I came out of the tube of death and saw that sweet man of mine. Well, he has to make a joke of everything, I think it's how he copes when he doesn't know what else to do or what else to say.
He told me I was in there for so long because I have such a COMPLEX BRAIN AND it was a MAN working on me. Then he said, when he got in there, he probably said to himself, "Oh crap...this one must be a home school mom!!!" And that was his reasoning behind the ridiculous amount of time I had to be away from him!!! I know, silly, but that's what made me smile this morning!
In addition to that I prayed that no matter what the neurologist might find that I would follow the advice that I see each morning before I leave my bedroom...
I won't say that I believe this is always easy to do...at times it feels completely IMPOSSIBLE! BUT, it was worth a shot.
Then I thought of the sweet conversation my husband and I had last night on the front porch. I cried, he held me, he listened, he consoled...and then he told me what I needed to hear more than anything else (and I didn't even know I needed to hear it) He told me that no matter what happens, no matter how bad it is, no matter how hard...that he will always be here with me. He said we were in this together and together we could get through it.
Last night, the IT we were working with was the very strong possibility of MS ~ Multiple Sclerosis. All evidence was pointing to MS...what a terrifying thought to deal with.
At that moment, I thought to myself,
Crap...forget driving, I don't care if I never drive again,
Walking is something I really like to do.
I can't even run anymore, but I want to be able to walk,
I want to be able to function,
I want to be able to be me...
We went to bed and I was determined that when I woke in the morning,
my day would be filled with laughter and happiness and no more tears...
that lasted about an hour...
Then a phone call came...
with that call came a panic that swept over me...
the neurologist wanted to see me in his office at 12:00
he had seen my findings from the MRI and wanted to discuss them with me.
Okay, the tears came again
and the panic
and then the beautiful reminder that my husband is going to be with me every step of the way and we can make it through ANYTHING...
MS is not bigger than us!
Nothing is bigger than us!!!
We met with the neurologist...
he showed us all the scans of my brain ~
I have to agree...
that was one complex looking bugger...
mighty impressive, I might say!!!!
Anyway, after going through the list of questions
and then discussing all of my symptoms
and then his exam
he does not believe that I have MS,
there is not enough evidence to support it at this time.
We discussed doing another MRI on my spinal column to see if any of the white spots were present there...if so, that is a definite answer of MS...but we decided to wait. His suggestion was that we see if I have another "episode" and go from there. He'd like me to do Vestibular Therapy to see if that will help with the vertigo, already done it, it helps but doesn't make it go away. His other guess is that it is a possible virus???
But he really doesn't know...guessing game!
As we walked out of his office, I felt gratitude for the life I have...
I can deal with vertigo, it stinks to be dizzy all the time,
but hey, I get to hang out with my favorite person in the world a whole lot more than I did before...things could be worse.