Homeschool Conference!!!

Look at all those beautiful little feet two people can create!

Look at all those beautiful little feet two people can create!

Saturday, July 30, 2011

I can't breathe

Have you ever had one of those moments when your breath is taken away, but in not such a fantastic way...kind of like a huge blow to your heart and you can hardly take a breath in???

That is how I feel right at this particular moment...
someone I love dearly...
(I cannot reveal the identity of this person...)
has come to me and confided that they just don't buy it anymore,
they really don't think there is a God. 

A million thoughts running through my mind:  "What???  Oh my gosh...tears don't flow, keep it in. you can't really mean this...what happened?  Why do you doubt?  YOU are such a strength to me, I look up to YOU, you have such a beautiful testimony, I don't understand.  I don't know what to say.  How can I help you?  What words would help you to see how much you are loved?"

This sweet person feels that He hasn't been there in times of need.  I believe they feel that He doesn't or cannot exist (or possibly even worse, that perhaps if He did exist then He just does not care enough to pay attention.) 

Either way, I am at a loss. 

I am heartbroken.
I want to have all the right answers, but at times like this my mouth and my brain and my heart just don't mesh up and nothing comes out the way I wish it could.  All that seems to come out of me are tears...and they are far from helpful.

They have prayed and fasted to feel the Spirit, to know of His existence and presence in their life...
They go to church, know all the sunday school answers, but don't "Feel" Him...don't believe in Him...can't believe that it is all real and true...because if it were real, He'd have answered them, He'd have helped them to feel His Spirit...

I love this person so much and I hate knowing that they feel this way -- I feel like a little piece of my heart (acutally a really big piece of my heart is hanging outside of my body dying) 

I can only pray that Heavenly Father will hear the prayers that have been prayed, that He will touch this persons heart and shine His beautiful Spirit in abundance down upon them. 

I do believe it is time for my knees to hit the floor...

My wish (which I know cannot be) but it's my wish, so I'm gonna go for it...

I wish that I could just give my testimony right on over to this beautiful person...I would so willingly share it...I'd give it all to them, it would be done...I know I could gain another!  It might take time, it took me 27 years to get it the first time, I'd wait another 27 years if they could have it right now...

What I truly wish is that I would have been a better, stronger example to this person and then maybe we would not be crying all these alligator tears and I wouldn't be wishing for things that just can't be.