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Look at all those beautiful little feet two people can create!

Look at all those beautiful little feet two people can create!

Saturday, July 30, 2011

I can't breathe

Have you ever had one of those moments when your breath is taken away, but in not such a fantastic way...kind of like a huge blow to your heart and you can hardly take a breath in???

That is how I feel right at this particular moment...
someone I love dearly...
(I cannot reveal the identity of this person...)
has come to me and confided that they just don't buy it anymore,
they really don't think there is a God. 

A million thoughts running through my mind:  "What???  Oh my gosh...tears don't flow, keep it in. you can't really mean this...what happened?  Why do you doubt?  YOU are such a strength to me, I look up to YOU, you have such a beautiful testimony, I don't understand.  I don't know what to say.  How can I help you?  What words would help you to see how much you are loved?"

This sweet person feels that He hasn't been there in times of need.  I believe they feel that He doesn't or cannot exist (or possibly even worse, that perhaps if He did exist then He just does not care enough to pay attention.) 

Either way, I am at a loss. 

I am heartbroken.
I want to have all the right answers, but at times like this my mouth and my brain and my heart just don't mesh up and nothing comes out the way I wish it could.  All that seems to come out of me are tears...and they are far from helpful.

They have prayed and fasted to feel the Spirit, to know of His existence and presence in their life...
They go to church, know all the sunday school answers, but don't "Feel" Him...don't believe in Him...can't believe that it is all real and true...because if it were real, He'd have answered them, He'd have helped them to feel His Spirit...

I love this person so much and I hate knowing that they feel this way -- I feel like a little piece of my heart (acutally a really big piece of my heart is hanging outside of my body dying) 

I can only pray that Heavenly Father will hear the prayers that have been prayed, that He will touch this persons heart and shine His beautiful Spirit in abundance down upon them. 

I do believe it is time for my knees to hit the floor...

My wish (which I know cannot be) but it's my wish, so I'm gonna go for it...

I wish that I could just give my testimony right on over to this beautiful person...I would so willingly share it...I'd give it all to them, it would be done...I know I could gain another!  It might take time, it took me 27 years to get it the first time, I'd wait another 27 years if they could have it right now...

What I truly wish is that I would have been a better, stronger example to this person and then maybe we would not be crying all these alligator tears and I wouldn't be wishing for things that just can't be.

4 comments:

  1. Sometimes life seems to throw these curves into our path. I've been on the non-believing side. There were two different people who made a huge impact on me and my ability to "see" God. The first person planted the seed, the second one watered the plant. In the end, without the encouragement of those two women at exactly the times in my life they were present- I wouldn't have the belief I do today.

    Both women didn't try to change my mind. Neither one preached at me. Neither one expressed disappointment or fear or anger. Both were entirely accepting of me- with all my flaws- including the lack of belief in God. That unconditional acceptance was the first glimpse I really had of God.

    You're an amazing and beautiful woman. Just by living your life you show other people what faith is. Continue to treat your friend the way you always have. Love unconditionally. Without that love in place, it's almost impossible to open your eyes and see the miracles around you and God's presence in your life EVERY DAY. You see God, you feel the spirit... just be a safe harbor for your friend and let the spirit spill from you. Eventually your friend will catch fire again.

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  2. I don't know that I could say it any better than Janet did. She is exactly right. You obviously love these people and want the absolute best for them. As you continue to do that and continue to share your love for them, you will be giving them your testimony. They won't be able to not see it.

    I believe that since they have decided on this course of action right now that they will fight seeing what you're showing them for a time. They will say something like, "yeah, that's what she's supposed to say." However, they won't be able to deny the strength of your love, which will continue flowing towards them. That love will make a difference...almost guaranteed. The love of good people draws others to them.

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  3. The lord has answered their prayer's They are just not choosing to hear. That is the hardest. When he answer's and it not what we think we want,need but in hind sight they will see. You just need to pray that their hart will not be hardened so when they look back they can see it. I love you Stacey and this will all be for the best.

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  4. Stacey, Your heart is so big and engulfing...but that does not mean that you can take others in and protect them from where they are heading. You are a beacon - some will see it and use it to bring them home. Others will be detoured. Keep your light bright, we can still see it even we are on the detour. Kellie

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