What the heck???

So I think most of the time I am pretty mellow and understanding...
I try to see the good in everyone around me...
I choose to see the cup as half full.

But tonight ~
Hmmm...
Well, I kinda feel like doing a little screaming.
Wish I knew who would be the most appropriate person to scream at!

I was in Middleton tonight and decided to take a little jaunt on over to "my home"...
just curious how things are looking and if it has been taken over, if someone new was there...
What I really wanted to see were my flowers poking their heads up, all my beautiful trees as they begin flowering, all the wonderful green grass in the pasture.
I could see as we approached that it was empty, no changes, but then
As I drove down the lane, I wanted to cry...
someone has vandalized and painted on our horse stalls...things were thrown about all over the lawn...it is obvious that the screens have been messed with (my guess is there has also been entry into our home)  I couldn't stand the thought of going inside, so I did not.

Our house was supposed to have gone to auction in February, then in March and now???  I could still have been living in my home, trying to work things out, but they told us we had to leave and we listened...we moved on...and for what? 

To make matters even worse, just after leaving our home, holding in my tears so that my little ones would not see them, I receive a phone call.

It is THE BANK!
Maybe this is who I want to scream at...
But as I write that,
it is just some employee who doesn't know me,
doesn't know how much we wished to stay in our home,
I am just another account number with a name attached to it,
just another phone call,
just another person to speak to as they pass away the time of their shift...

I am baffled, astounded, shocked, disappointed, flabbergasted...
I guess I just see complete inadequacy!
Why, WHY, WHY???  are they continuing to call NOW?
They wouldn't even consider working with us.
It was a nightmare!
It felt completely unbelievable...
and now
NOW
They want to work with us.
We've moved...
We are in a lease that we cannot end.

We picked up our life
and transported it to a new location.
This doesn't even seem fair.
I don't know what to say or how to respond,
I did well at holding back my tears and my frustration.

And then I think about what SOMEONE did to our property...
WHY would they deface something that was wonderful?
Why do people do such mean things?

I guess I just do not understand...
I don't understand people
I don't understand the bank
I don't understand the whys I have in my heart.

I don't know what we are meant to do...
It seemed as though we received an immediate answer
and we left
we re-established as best we could
we are still trying to settle in to this "new life"
and it feels yucky and unfair
to dangle "my old life" like a carrot in front of my face.

Dang people anyway!!!
Dang bank!!!
Dang economy!!!
Dang this heart that aches!!!

Okay, I think my fingers did all my screaming for me...
that was much better than my voice flitting all over the place.

I don't know why I feel the need to go clean up all the mess that some stupid person decided to do...
It just feels wrong to have my home looking yucky and unkempt and unloved.

DANG IT!  Where are the tissues?