Beautiful Discovery...

Some have noticed and even commented to me that I've been rather non-existent in my blog world lately...that has also been the case with facebook and email and most outside communication...

I'm finding that when I am in the midst of a really hard time, a trial that feels like it may be the very end of me, that I do one of two things;

1 ~ I do just as I have done this past little bit and spend a lot of time soul searching (quietly), I spend as much time as possible reading and pondering and asking and waiting...
waiting for answers,
waiting for peace,
waiting for resolution,
waiting for the right moment to express myself again...

or 2 ~ I write and I write and I write and I write...

I think both options work for me...

In this instance, #1 is where I felt I would best be able to work through my feelings and emotions.

Well...the good news is that I can see a very important REASON for going through this trial...
It doesn't always happen that we can put these things together, in fact, I think it is rare.
Even though I am still in the midst of working through some hard things, I am finding that there is a blessing that is coming from it.

Do ya wanna know what it is???

It's a good one...in fact, it's not just a "good one", it might be one of the very best blessings I could ever wish to receive!

One that I would say has been worth all the tears and the questions and the self-doubt and, and, and...

Okay, hold on just a minute before I actually tell you what IT is...

I need to back up and tell you a bit of what brought this wonderful little "discovery" to me...

Throughout this trial
(that has seemed to rear it's ugly head off and on for the past many years)
I have felt a little beaten down,
a little unsure that I was okay,
I questioned whether or not I was someone worthy of being loved and cherished...
There has been one particular person in my life,whom is so very dear to me, yet we continue to struggle in a most unhappy sort of way;
because of these hard times I have struggled personally with feelings of not being so "likeable"...
I have had the knowledge that she "loved" me...
but sometimes we can love someone and not really like them all that much...
I felt that was where I "fit in" ~ loved (out of duty or because we are just supposed to love some people)
but I felt that I was very low on the totem pole in all other aspects...
I felt much less than liked.

ANYWAY...
The Beautiful discovery through all of this worrying about her not "liking" the person that I am
was that I have come upon this person that I really do like...
ME...
I'm pretty okay,
I like who I am becoming,
I can look in the mirror and see a person that I can smile back at.
I had to spend a great deal of time seriously searching within,
I was searching for all of the "ugly things" and trying to make sure that I could get rid of them...
while I was doing this, I found that I really don't think I have ugly things within me...
(that doesn't mean that I think I'm perfect...wish I were, but yeah, I've not even come close to arriving at perfection...)
But in saying that, I didn't find the ugly stuff I was afraid might be hiding somewhere in me...

Not sure why I am so blessed, but while searching for the bad, I found the good...I found what I had been waiting for ~ I found peace, I found resolve, I found answers and I found me!

I found that if I were someone else,
I think I'd really like me,
I think I'd like to get to know me,
I think I'd like to be my friend,
...but since I'm me and not someone else looking at me,
the best thing I found is that I like ME and that has been a most beautiful discovery!

I love you all...
Happy Friday to you ~ my wish for you is that if you have not discovered just how amazing you are, that you will seek and find that wonderful person inside of you and that you will be able to also state three simple, yet profoundly powerful words,
"I like ME!"