Homeschool Conference!!!

Look at all those beautiful little feet two people can create!

Look at all those beautiful little feet two people can create!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Dear Blog,

I've missed you terribly!  Even woke up this morning thinking of you...
Must be the day for a little time for US...
(I will not wake up my kiddos ~ my hubby is gone to work and the house is quiet and dark...we should have a little quiet time together!)

So there is a lot of unhappiness and turmoil in the world these days, more than I even care to acknowledge; I'm a little ashamed to admit this, but you are my blog and it is okay for me to pour out my heart to you, right?  Right!
So here goes...I'd prefer to just be wrapped up in my own little world most days and not be aware of all that is happening around us.  Isn't that easier?  Well, I broke out of my little "bubble" and ventured into the world of news; couple that with the news of friends and loved ones and there is so much sadness...

One friend who has just lost one of her children, another who just lost her mother, another who is losing her father, another who just lost his wife, I feel as though I have lost one of my own children (although not really "mine", I've considered her one of ours for several years)...The many people of Japan who, in some cases, have lost Everything...

I have found all of this -- well, I cannot even come up with the right words -- so we'll just go with numbing...  I cannot imagine the pain that some must endure and my heart breaks for each of them, yet I find that as I look at the lives of others, it causes me to reflect on the very life I am living, causes me to really look (not just surface stuff, but deep down)

I have wondered over the past few days if I am focusing on the right things???
Am I worrying about the BIG things, that in reality are really quite small? 
Am I forgeting about the LITTLE things, that when looked back upon, are in all actuality the BIG things to be learned and held sacred in this lifetime?

Do my husband and children and grandbabies know that they are my world?
Do I share that knowledge with them?  REALLY?
Am I living my life in a way that would be pleasing to whom it most matters?

Anyway, I know this isn't probably the happiest post I've ever written, but my mind and my heart have just been swimming.  Any who know me well, know that I cannot stay in this state of mind...I must find a rainbow in all of this RAIN...

I've questioned myself and my "worthiness" in all areas for the past while and all I can really come up with is that I am doing my best each and every day
Some days are better than others, but I am still giving the best I have. 
Yes, I may raise my voice more some days than others, I may not be earning "The Mother-of-the-Year Award" every day (or maybe not ever, not any day) but I am, again, doing the very best that I know how to do. 
There are some things that I truly need & will focus on more in my personal world...
ya know the things that are just all about me...
that 'seemingly impossible to find time' for just little 'ol me to work on stuff for just ME...
I'm great with all the family scripture time, family prayer time, family devotional time...
but I stink when it comes to
Stacey scripture time,
Stacey prayer time,
Stacey devotional time...
I just cannot seem to come up with the time for ME. 
I'd like to think that Heavenly Father understands that it is a busy season right now...
that my time is time for being a Mom,
there isn't a lot of time left over for just me...
not sure what to think of all of this right now...
this seems to be my biggest dilemna ~
do I worry over this or let it be what it is??? 
 Do I wake a little earlier?  As I did this morning when you were calling out to come spend some time writing and reflecting?  Most days it is all I can do to get up to get the day going and breakfast ready for this hungry little army!
I cannot stay up any later and have anything of worth happen during those times, I already feel I am dragging by the time my head hits the pillow each night...
I'm sorry if I seem to be complaining, I really am not, I am not unhappy with how my days go...they are just very full...I am happy to be doing the things I do each day, I can think of nothing I'd rather spend my time doing (well, except a little of that pondering, quiet time each day, but aside from that, all is good!)

One thing I do know for sure...I cannot live in fear, it is stifling, numbing, just no good for us at all...so I've moved past the fear stage...life will bring hard times to all of us, but we must have PEACE and trust and faith...forget all that stuff about fear ~ that is not meant for us!  I believe when we focus on the Positive, it will come our way, how can it help but not?  Possibly we are "willing" it into our lives???

So onto happy thoughts today...
I will find a rainbow in all of this Rain...
I will not be troubled that the sun doesn't seem to shine for many lately...
I will make the most of the rain and not be afraid to walk through the puddles that may come our way,
in fact, I think I'm ready to jump in with both feet and splash about...
why not? 
Set the fear aside...
get a little wet...
ponder & grow...
and move to sunnier days...
And know that ALL WILL BE WELL...

As always, My Dear Blog, my time with you was fabulous...
I wish we could visit daily...YOU are so good for me! 
Until we meet again...