my mind kept returning to what this day was to hold.
I had dreamed about it,
I had fretted over whether or not to subject myself to the feelings of self-disappointment I was bound to encounter.
I wanted to just forget all about it and pretend this day had come and gone and not give it a second thought. But as I lay there gazing up at my ceiling, enjoying a few peaceful moments of quiet and solitude, I came to the conclusion that I really have no reason to be quite so disappointed in myself.
No, I had not achieved "THE goal" I had set out to do, BUT, I had achieved a small portion of that goal.
And most importantly, I would not give in to the defeatist attitude that was desperately trying to take hold of me.
So, I mustered up the energy, the courage and the will
to drag myself out of bed,
into the shower,
and then the hardest part of all ~
to stand a top the dreaded SCALE!
The number that came across was not what I had dreamed it would be just six short months ago when I originally set my goal.
BUT, it had budged, if only slightly, it had dropped little by little; I really needed to remain positive, I needed to be pleased that some of the weight had come off, even though I had reached a very frustrating plateau that I could not seem to change...But hey, I had in fact, reached that plateau, I had made a small change.
I don't do well doing things alone, so making my way to The $10,000 Weight Loss Challenge Finale this morning was truly a challenge!
I really had decided this past week to not go, thank heavens for the prodding I felt this morning ~ I could do this...I walked up to the staff, showed them my ID, hopped on their scales and completed the Challenge!!! They quickly tallied my numbers and enthusiastically congratulated me on my success. I knew walking out of that room that I would not be the winner of the challenge, I would not be taking home a whoppin' check made out in my name, I would not be among the top contestants ~ truth be told ~ I was probably clear down in the lowest of the low, BUT I was still a winner and a loser...I am winner because I did not quit -- I kept on and I completed the challenge. I am a loser, possibly in more ways than one, but I choose to focus on only the positive aspects of being a loser this time...Losing those measly few pounds has made a difference. I took off and kept off over 15 pounds ~ a Faarrrrrrrr cry from the 50 pounds I had made as my original goal ~ but 15 pounds is 15 pounds and I'm going to be proud of myself for those and move on.
15 of these hummers are gone from my bodacious hips ~ that's my visual!!!
One of these days I'm gonna take empty butter boxes and tape 'em to me and take some photos .. I'll be quite a sight with all these boxes hangin' off me :0)
It might take me another six months to lose 15 more, who knows if that 50 will ever drop away or if it will stick around like a great friend, but the point is that I need to pat myself on the back for my successes and knock off the picking on myself for not being perfect!
I want to feel okay about stopping and having an ice cream cone with my kiddos ~ I think it's okay to show them just how tasty dipping a salty fry into your hot fudge sundae can be. My focus for losing the weight was so that I could enjoy my life with my family. I want to be healthy, I want to run and play with them, I want to climb to the top of the mountain, I want to experience a lifetime of wonderful memories with them. And sometimes those memories need to include indulgences of the hot fudge & fry treats.
I'm happy that I made the choice to go today, I'll be honest, the tears flowed as I thought of how well I could have done.
As I stood and visited with the owners of a small gym,
I found myself feeling a little low,
well okay ~
I was down right upset and feeling completely sorry for myself
that I don't have more time to take for me ~
but then I had to step back and think that one over a bit...
I have choices and I need to be content with my choices,
I LOVE being the Momma and that takes a lot of time,
IF I wish to work out, I can find the time,
it just means sacrificing a little sleep ~
so I have the tipping scale to look at
SLEEP / EXERCISE ~
I'm quite sure this will always be a balancing act for me. Day to day I will need to decide what my priorities are and then be happy with those decisions.
As I walked away today, I felt like I had accomplished something, I did not give in when I felt I hadn't done enough and it was wonderful to hear the encouragement that comes from others who feel passionate about health and such.
No, I didn't come home $6,000,
$3,000
or even $1,000 richer from this challenge,
but I did come home with a fresh perspective and a sense of well-being.
I am a winner and a loser all in the same day ~ Hooray for me!
They say it doesn't matter where you are on the track, but that you're facing the right direction and moving...and you're most certainly doing that! Helen Keller said to keep your face to the sunshine and you won't see the shadows. Your family seems to be a huge ray of sunshine in your life.
ReplyDeleteGreat job for "finishing" it. That was way better than I did. I have a renewed hope this week that I can get it together. You know the high school has an awesome new track, I was thinking of starting to "wog" it and doing stairs/bleachers. You up for it?
ReplyDeleteYour amazing!